I believe to be brave in saying I love you. I mean to express the true emotion to our friends or families, not only a boy or a girl who you fall in love. I want to say I love you loudly to everyone whom I care about. My family and friends, which is the most important part in my life, so I want to tell them how much I love them badly.
I lost my grandmother last year, suddenly I found out that I never told her I love her, even once, and she’s no longer by my side. I lived with my grandmother when I was a little girl. Until I was seven years old, I moved back to my hometown and lived with parents and my older sister. I saw her just in summer vocation and winter vocation. I think she must be very lonely then.
We were very close when I was a child. She took care of me and I relied on her so much. I made her laugh all the time because I always talked to her like an adult. She taught me a lot of principles to be a nice person, even though she never went to school. I still have the greatest respect for my grandmother.
We used to be very intimate, but the distance kept us away. I never told her thank you for raising me up and thank you for everything you did for me. My childhood with a lot of sweet memories is the most priceless treasure in my life. I think this is the most regretful thing in my life. No matter how long time goes by, it won’t take away my sadness but deepen it. I yearn to tell her how much I love her, but it’s too late.
I always wonder if I could have a time machine to go back to the past. Maybe I won’t feel so sad at every moment when I am thinking of her. I know it would never be true, I just keep wondering a quixotic dream.
Why didn’t I tell her how much I love her? Most Asians are not used to expressing their emotions, because we are taught to be a steady person. I was born in a conservative society, which most of people live in and do not express their sentiments easily. I am too shy to speak out what am I feeling and tell my families and friends how much I love them. I am trying my best to do what I have never done before, such as a big hug and say I love you. I don’t want to have any regrets anymore, so I believe to be brave in saying I love you.
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